the one with my thoughts on being a mom

She is four and a half months old. Six months isn't too far off and if these next six months go as fast then she will be a year old in a blink of an eye.

Blocks are a current favorite activity. She always gets this look of concentration on her face when she plays with them. It is so cute. :)

I love this photo! Crawling is not too far from her future. Right now she is just pulling her legs up under her and rocking on her belly. She scoots around in a circle on her belly but we don't quite have forward movement yet. That's okay with me. Time is flying by way too fast.

And a big ole gummy grin for the camera. She is napping right now and I miss her. I was listening to that Darius Rucker song this morning and I just started crying....you know the one...."it won't last for long". It really is a great song. I am really trying to live in every moment with her and let the little stuff (like having a clean house) go.

She is really in a mommy phase these days. If I am not holding her, she is always very aware of where I am. She does this thing when I pick her up at Mom's now-when i hold her she keeps looking back at Mom as if she is saying "ha ha i have my mommy now". It is hilarious! (She really does love Mom too though) She did super this week and has been back to taking the bottle consistently-yay! (this makes for a much happier daddy, grammie, mommy, & Maya) She and her daddy love their time together! With his job schedule, he is able to do much of the care for her during the week days. I can't even express how proud of the amazing father my husband has become. He is wonderful with her, and I am so grateful to be married to such a wonderful man.

Being a Mom is by far the best (and the hardest) thing I have ever done. The decisions you make as a parent are overwhelming at times (vaccines, child care, discipline, bottle/breast, where to sleep, how to schedule or not schedule, when to start solids, etc). And every one and every book has an opinion. I don't have a problem doing what I think is best and ignoring any unwelcome advice, but I consider myself to be a pretty strong and educated woman. It would be hard to muddle through all the information and advice if I wasn't.

I am continuing to work on being open-minded. There are things in my own life that I do now that I probably judged others for before I walked in their shoes. National Breastfeeding Week happened recently and there are things written all over the internet for and against nursing in public. I will admit that before I became a nursing mom, I wasn't comfortable with nursing in public. But now, I am one of "those moms". I realize now that a woman shouldn't have to feel isolated because she needs to nourish her child. Before I dealt with infertility, I thought that fertility drugs/treatments were extreme. Now I understand that there is almost nothing a woman/couple won't do to have their baby. It is amazing how your perspective can change when you are the one staring at that door. You might just walk through it too.

I have been reflecting a lot lately on the road that took us to Maya. It is so amazing the plan that God has for us. I realize now that had I gotten pregnant any other time then it wouldn't have been my Maya. God knew what he was doing when my prayers were not answered all those other months. It was so hard for me waiting and I constantly was asking why not us? Why can't it be our turn? But now I understand that it wasn't our time and that God had this special girl picked out just for us. I also know that I am a much different mom than I would have been if i had gotten pregnant more quickly and I am thankful for that as well. That journey taught me to slow down and appreciate my time. It taught me what the miracle of life really is. Every tear, every needle stick, and every seemingly hopeless minute brought us to where we are now...and there is no place I'd rather be.