I want to preface this post by saying that I am by no means the perfect parent (FAR FROM IT!) and there are times when my toddler’s behavior brings me to tears. I had a helpful realization a few weeks ago that I needed to stop seeing her behavior challenges as my failures. She is learning and growing and that is not always going to be a smooth process. I realized that she is at a very difficult age where she is learning her independence and that can often be not pretty. That said, while she is “being two”, us moms have to survive with our sanity in place. So, I wrote this post awhile back, but I wanted to update with some things that we are doing now that I have found to help. Many of these things are things that I learned from being a preschool teacher and are based in education methodologies. AND let me tell you, it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame when you are talking about your own kiddo!
1. WARNINGS (J if you’re reading this, I had actually written this before we talked) 
Okay, I talked about this last time, but I think this is such a huge one that it is worth mentioning again here. Giving kids warnings helps kids to know what’s coming. I have recently started incorporating my handy little timer on my phone. For example, today we were playing outside and I needed her to come in to nap. I told her that she could blow bubbles until the timer went off and then it would be time for nap. It doesn’t always head off the tantrum, but it often does. The most important part of this is to be consistent, if you say that its time when the timer goes off, then you have to follow through even if that means carrying a kicking and screaming toddler in the house. Another tip is giving a short run down of events. I will tell Maya the list of 2-3 things that we are going to do and always try to end with a preferred. For example, today we have to go the grocery, stop and get gas, and then we can go outside to play. I think this really helps her to know what is going to happen in her day.
2. TREATS There is nothing wrong with setting up a reward for positive behavior. Somehow this got a bad rap as being bribery, which it really only becomes when the bad behavior happens and then you pull out the treat. Maya has a huge problem with knotting her hair when she goes to sleep. And I am not talking a few tangles, I am talking it takes me 10 minutes to get the three knots that she managed to knot in her hair overnight. So…I started telling her that if she could wake up with “no knots” then she could earn jelly beans. I was skeptical whether she could get this concept with the overnight factor, but it really has worked. She still has knots some days, but overall it has really helped. I like to set up special activities as rewards. For example, she could read an extra story at bedtime if she gets her jammies on without a fight. This is a win-win because she gets a reward and we get extra quality time.
3. HELPER A big thing that I have found is that when I know I have to do something, I need to find something for her to do as well. A really hard one at our house is the dishwasher. When I try to empty it, Maya is all underfoot and trying to grab things out of it or climb on it. One day I decided to let her help. Which many of you guys are cringing thinking GLASSES and other BREAKABLE DISHES! But, here is the thing, I just actually let her get each dish out and I stand there and take it from her and put it on the counter. Yes, it probably takes me longer to do it that way because I then have to put each item from the counter into the cabinet, but it keeps her busy and safe while I do it. She also helps me with laundry and feeding the animals. She really likes when I give her a cleaning cloth to “clean” while I am cleaning.
4. PICK YOUR BATTLES This is another HUGE one. There are many things that I will just say it’s just not worth fighting over. If you want to wear your pink crocs every single day, who cares? When it’s a matter of safety or setting boundaries, that’s another story. I try really hard to think about each time whether it’s a battle worth picking. Sometimes I end up picking ones I wish I hadn’t picked, but once I’ve picked it, I stick to my guns. I can’t let her learn that she will get her way by acting out.
5. REPLACE BEHAVIOR A big issue at our house right now is using nice words. Maya likes to yell her wants and needs at us. Her new favorite phrase is “I need it!!!!!!!!!!!!” I just tell her that I can’t hear her when she talks like that and she needs to use her nice words. Generally, she will change her tone and then we discuss what she has asked for, but it is a daily thing for us. So, if there is a behavior that you don’t like, pick the one that you want to see instead and teach that. Then don’t respond unless he/she uses the correct behavior (in this situation nice words instead of yelling).
AND that leads me to my last point. Having a toddler is tough and no matter what you do, there will be times that this still happens:
(red face mad, just like her mama)
And, we as parents, have to forgive ourselves and know that we are guiding them to learn and grow. AND know that it is fine to take a time out and shed some tears ourselves…..
I sincerely hope that these little tips help some of you and also help you to know that you are not alone.
