I am sitting here at the breakfast table, and need to pound this out on the keyboard because I will forget my thoughts. I could never be a writer because I can't remember my ideas 30 minutes after I have them.
I am going to admit something...I think i messed up as a mom.
The thing is, when Maya was a baby, and even before, I read every baby book known to man to "learn" how to be a good parent. I was particularly drawn to the attachment parenting books which touted breastfeeding and baby-wearing, which yes I preferred, and worked for us. The thing is that I also received the message that baby shouldn't be in "containers" for longer than necessary (eg car seats, bouncy seats, high chairs, strollers, cribs, etc). The thought being that babies should be worn or carried or held so that they could be up and experiencing the world instead of left in a container. I think that I probably took this advice to the extreme....I was adamant about getting them out of containers as babies (out of the carseat, out of the stroller, etc). You know what I think that resulted in????
CHILDREN THAT CAN'T SIT STILL
Ha! We took Grayson to the movies yesterday and he sat for maybe the first 30 minutes while he had popcorn to eat and then he was up and moving. He and I watched most of the movie from the side of the theater. He hates being constrained in his car seat, he hates being strapped into a grocery cart, and he won't ride in a stroller for long. Maya was the same way. I see babies and toddlers that happily sit in strollers without fussing, ride in grocery carts happily chatting away to their mothers, and babies who love to ride in the car, and I wonder....
DID I MESS UP?
But then, I look at my children with their HUGE personalities. Their curiosity, their love for learning, their zest for life, and I think maybe not. My four year old girl has so much sass that you would think a sixteen year old lives in our house. But, she is also one of the most determined people I know. That drive will take her far in life. She will strive for her dreams and accomplish them. She will stand up to others when she has to and she won't sit by quietly and watch others doing wrong. She is also one of the most caring people I know. She recognized sadness or worry in my face before I realize it has even registered on my face. She will look at me and ask "mommy why are you sad?" She always asks me or Jared how our day was when we come home from work or date night. We didn't teach her that (at least not directly). She worries about and takes care of her brother. My two year old son has a vocabulary that will knock your socks off. He speaks in 6-7 word sentences and puts concepts together that amaze me. He is active and daring. He has that same drive that his sister does. His strong will in unbelievable. He knows what he wants and he is not afraid to kick and scream and let you know it. He will also not sit idly by. He is loving and funny and caring, and his drive will take him far in life also.
So maybe I didn't mess up, maybe I did alright. Maybe I just am raising very strong willed, driven, caring children, that may make their mother go a little insane and grow a few gray hairs in their young years. And if that's the case, that's okay, because I am preparing them for life and all the curves that will inevitably be thrown at them. I won't always be there to guide their choices, and all i can do is hope and pray that I have prepared them to navigate the journey of life.
I certainly don't have it all figured out, not even close. I am making it up as I go along. Maybe I did mess up as a mom, but just perhaps, maybe i didn't?
