toddler behavior

I haven’t written a behavior post in awhile, but I have been thinking about writing one because #1 I passed my exam and now am officially a BCBA-yay me! and #2 I have a toddler who is definitely in the “testing phase”. I am certainly no expert, but I thought I would share some tips that I have learned over the years teaching little ones and some things that I am using with my little one.

1. Warnings! This is a big one. Kiddos very often DO NOT want to leave a preferred activity. This is a major thing for Maya right now. Even at this young age, I have started giving Maya warnings when she is going to have to stop doing something that she likes. For example, I might give the warning “1-2-3 all done”. Then I count slow 1-2-3 and say “all done” and take the item or remove her. Yeah, she still gets upset right now, but it is teaching her that when I give that warning she is going to have to stop doing whatever it is that she likes.
2. Communication. A major source of many behaviors is the inability to communicate. Very often kiddos will be frustrated because they can’t communicate their wants. Sign-language has worked very well for us. Maya doesn’t have too many verbal words right now, but she can sign lots of stuff. The great thing about sign-language is that while you can’t “make” a kid “talk”, you can take their hands and make the sign with them. The first signs I taught Maya were “more” and “all done”. They work pretty universally and she can communicate most things with those two signs alone. A few days ago, someone (won’t name any names here) was SCREAMING because she wanted to play with Mommy’s camera bag. I didn’t so much mind that she play with it, but I was not going to give it to her when she was having an all out fit. So I gave her a simple command for something to do to ask for the bag. I can’t remember now if I prompted her to sign “more” or “please”, but regardless I made her do something before she got access to the bag. That way she learned that the screaming did not get her what she wanted, but the sign did.
3. Choices. Giving kids choices allow kids to have some control over their environment. You can give choices for lots of things such as between two food choices, toys, clothing items, etc. You can also use it when a child is doing something you don’t want them to do. You give them two choices of things they can do. For example, if your child is climbing on something unsafe, you can say you can play ball or get a book. That way the climbing is “not a choice”.
4. Tell kids what “to do” instead of what “NOT to do”.  Instead of “stop climbing on that!” you can say “feet on the floor” or “sit down”. Instead of “stop screaming!” you can say “quiet voice”. This helps kids know what they should do in place of the behavior you don’t want.
5. The power of praise. This is another big one. Kids respond to pleasing us. They learn what is appropriate vs. what is not by watching our reactions to them. If we smile and clap and respond positively to them, they are likely to repeat the action. Even at Maya’s age, I tell her “good job” “thank you for listening”. No, she doesn’t necessarily understand those words, but she knows that I am pleased with her by my tone and facial expressions.
6. Distraction. This can be very helpful again when a child is getting into something that you don’t want them to. You can get something exciting out for them like a toy they haven’t seen in awhile or a favorite book. This can often make them “forget” about the thing that you don’t want them to do. I also use singing a lot! If Maya is getting fussy and I know it’s going to be a minute before we can go, I can sing one of her favorites and it distracts her long enough to finish whatever it was we were doing. It also works great for wiggly diaper changes.

Anyway, I hope these tips are helpful for other moms and if you have any tips that I have forgotten please feel free to share!